How did I get so lucky? This wonderful, beautiful and really very strong willed little person simply swept into our lives and changed everything. We love her to bits. I know what I imagined motherhood would be like, so far it has been quite different. Believe me, there isn't a book in the world that can prepare you properly, and I've ploughed through quite a few. Actually, I still can't really believe I'm a mother and that SHE will be with us always. It makes my head spin thinking we will one day have a teenage girl. How on earth will we handle that?
The last eight months have been the most turbulent, overwhelming and sometimes stressful but also the most beautiful, empowering and blissful of my life. I've learned so much about myself and I am sure I'll keep learning as time goes by. For one, I know now that everything will not go as planned and if something actually does go as planned I really shouldn't count on it going as planned the next time. A baby is just that, a baby, and babies do not read calendars, wear a clock or do what you want them to do, they simply are. Which has taught me to simply be and it feels amazing. Before baby, I had a hard time not planning every second, especially weekends and in the beginning I had a hard time understanding why Mini didn't sleep or eat or do anything really according to the books. Now, we sleep, eat and play when we feel like it and I have learned to say no or maybe to parties, lunches and other social gatherings. My fantastic friends seem to accept that this is the way it is with me now and that has made it a whole lot easier. I don't feel guilty.
I've also learned that those first few weeks are the hardest. Mini was colicky and we spent many evenings rocking and trying to comfort her. At the time I felt there was no end in sight but thankfully, at eleven weeks the worst seemed to be over. Colic or not I think the toughest thing to tackle is the sleep deprivation. But it does get better! Mini now sleeps through the night...and then some nights, for some inexplicable reason, she doesn't and I wake up feeling like a zombie! The sometimes total lack of sleep is probably the biggest chock to most new parents. Everyone tells you you won't sleep very well or at all during the first year but you chose to not listen or you think oh, that...well MY child will be different, she'll sleep through the night and if she doesn't I've read this, this and this book and I know EXACTLY what to do to get her to sleep. Well, I've found the best way to handle the sleep situation is to accept it and try to find some comfort in the fact that eventually she will sleep through the night.
Well, it does get a whole lot easier. And more fun! Mini truly makes our world go round and like most enamoured parents we watch her development with awe. Hearing her laugh out loud when Andreas tickles her melts my heart. I love them both so much.
- photographed by Andreas
