How did I get so lucky? This wonderful, beautiful and really very strong willed little person simply swept into our lives and changed everything. We love her to bits. I know what I imagined motherhood would be like, so far it has been quite different. Believe me, there isn't a book in the world that can prepare you properly, and I've ploughed through quite a few. Actually, I still can't really believe I'm a mother and that SHE will be with us always. It makes my head spin thinking we will one day have a teenage girl. How on earth will we handle that?
The last eight months have been the most turbulent, overwhelming and sometimes stressful but also the most beautiful, empowering and blissful of my life. I've learned so much about myself and I am sure I'll keep learning as time goes by. For one, I know now that everything will not go as planned and if something actually does go as planned I really shouldn't count on it going as planned the next time. A baby is just that, a baby, and babies do not read calendars, wear a clock or do what you want them to do, they simply are. Which has taught me to simply be and it feels amazing. Before baby, I had a hard time not planning every second, especially weekends and in the beginning I had a hard time understanding why Mini didn't sleep or eat or do anything really according to the books. Now, we sleep, eat and play when we feel like it and I have learned to say no or maybe to parties, lunches and other social gatherings. My fantastic friends seem to accept that this is the way it is with me now and that has made it a whole lot easier. I don't feel guilty.
I've also learned that those first few weeks are the hardest. Mini was colicky and we spent many evenings rocking and trying to comfort her. At the time I felt there was no end in sight but thankfully, at eleven weeks the worst seemed to be over. Colic or not I think the toughest thing to tackle is the sleep deprivation. But it does get better! Mini now sleeps through the night...and then some nights, for some inexplicable reason, she doesn't and I wake up feeling like a zombie! The sometimes total lack of sleep is probably the biggest chock to most new parents. Everyone tells you you won't sleep very well or at all during the first year but you chose to not listen or you think oh, that...well MY child will be different, she'll sleep through the night and if she doesn't I've read this, this and this book and I know EXACTLY what to do to get her to sleep. Well, I've found the best way to handle the sleep situation is to accept it and try to find some comfort in the fact that eventually she will sleep through the night.
Well, it does get a whole lot easier. And more fun! Mini truly makes our world go round and like most enamoured parents we watch her development with awe. Hearing her laugh out loud when Andreas tickles her melts my heart. I love them both so much.
- photographed by Andreas
The silence on this blog is deafening. Seriously, I need to get up to speed.
Well, first off I have an announcement. Many of you have already figured me out but still, here goes – we’re having a baby. A girl. We call her Mini.
I am truly amazed and in awe of the miracle of life. I think this is the closest to something religious I’ve ever been. Feeling the kicks in my belly reminds me every day that I am blessed and have so, so much to be grateful for.
I never knew I could feel this much love for someone I’ve never met, it fills me and makes me burst into random giggles, which I can’t control. I also cry easily and I have truly stopped fretting the small stuff. A couple of weeks ago I was making rhubarb crumble and realized I had far too little rhubarb. Pre-pregnancy this would have made me run out and get more but now I simply shrugged and added what else was in the fridge and could work, meaning blueberries and raspberries. Lo and behold that crumble was a hit. I understand this probably would have been the natural way to solve the problem for most but the perfectionist in me sticks to the recipe. In that way being pregnant is a ball, I’ve never felt this close to my true feelings, relaxed, happy and content and never felt a greater love and compassion for everyone in my life and especially the tiny person hiccuping right now in my belly. I’ve had a super pregnancy and have got nothing to complain about but then I can’t say I’ve loved every second. Some women do and that is great but I confess the weight gain, sleepless nights and sore back have gotten to me at times.
Well, I’m 36.5 weeks along (it’s all gone at lightning speed), which means she could arrive today (yikes!). In a way all this is so scary and some days I must admit I can’t believe we’re soon to be a family and other days pregnancy and the imminent birth of our child (wow, right?) feels like the most natural thing in the world.
To Mini: Baby girl, we love you and simply can’t wait.
- photographed by Andreas wearing H&M MAMA jeans, H&M blouse, Aurelie Bidermann necklace, Bvlgari B.Zero1 gold ring
I just love this! US Vogue features a spread on Patti Hansen, Keith Richards and their large extended family as they gather on Turks and Caicos. The thought of being able to fill a summer home with our (growing!) family and friends would be a dream come true. It might be because I've grown up in a big family, surrounded by my sisters where my parents always, always left the door open for our and their friends to stay over, have brunch, lunch or dinner or just hang around.
- all images from Vogue
Yesterday was my birthday! I still turn into a little kid every year anticipating that day. I love birthdays in general and mine in particular. It's a day of sweet Happy Birthdays! from friends and family near and far and often a chance to exchange some news or gossip with those I don't speak to every day.
Yesterday morning we had breakfast at Hotel Skeppsholmen, which I think has the best hotel breakfast in Stockholm. Later Andreas picked me up from work and we were off to dinner some place secret, which turned out to be one of my favorite restaurants Matbaren, a must if you are in Stockholm. I guess for those who know my family well it is not surprising that food is a big part of the Leksell family's birthdays.
I feel my new year will be exceptional! So far 2012 has by far met my wildest expectations. Right now, I couldn't wish for anything more...well maybe an additional birthday gift or two from me to me. Then I'm all set.
I’m ready for the long weekend! We have Thursday and Friday off and I couldn’t be happier. I really need to escape the office and spend some time in the sun with an ice cream and good company. My close friend Cecilia is visiting from London and I’m excited to see her and share some gossip.
Also, Andreas and I are probably taking the boat out on this year’s maiden voyage. Hopefully it will be warm enough for a swim in the ocean, but Swedish weather is unpredictable and we might just as well end up below deck with blankets, books and hot cocoa. Either way I’m looking forward to it. Have a good one!
What I’d take on my escape – Carrera Forever Mine Sunglasses/Charlie by Matthew Zink Adriana Bikini/Maslin Zebra Hide Towel/A.L.C. Paige Wool Sweater/Isabel Marant Roxi Shorts/Baggu Zipper Bag L/Spring Court Glove High Tops/Jane Carr Square Garden Scarf/J Brand Aiden Boyfriend Jeans
-collage by me
Hello blog followers! No, I haven’t abandoned you. I’ve just had so much on my plate it’s simply been all too much. But I’m back, Stockholm is spring beautiful and I’ve got so many exciting things to share with you. Soon. Some wedding pics and film for starters. We're also busy planning my sister's baby shower. I just finished designing the invite and really enjoyed creating something sweet with a dash of adventure.
Have a magic Monday!
- image here
It's been a long time since I looked forward to the weekend this much. Wow, this was one rough week. But I feel much better now after some good advise from Andreas and from my parents (via email from Ischgl, they're the best!) and also a big ragù alla bolognese dinner, my one true comfort food. I made it last weekend from my father's recipe and will post it soon, I promise.
Tomorrow will be a battle. I know it and I can feel my body gearing up but I also know what I need to do. I know I won't give in, I will keep my strength and remember where this started and what I was promised and I will hold that promise like a light in front of me.
A good friend and I discussed our now grown-up life. We spoke about many things but one thing puzzles us both. In high-school we both believed that those typical high-school shenanigans - the petty arguing, the silly groups, the outright deception, the mean scheming, the foolish slander, the all-consuming gossip, the insecurity - would end the same glorious day we got our diplomas. As all grown-ups know but don't tell, it doesn't. It keeps going with some people more often than not acting not even like teenagers but like small children.
I feel the only thing I can do now is what I did in high-school when things got rough and I felt some part of me straying in that dangerous direction of destructive behavior, I'll force myself to see what I know to be true and not let myself be side-tracked or bullied.
See you in school kids.
- poster here
Have a fantastic weekend! Tomorrow is Andreas' birthday and I'm planning the best start to it with a great breakfast, then for some surprises and hopefully more of the lovely spring weather we've been enjoying lately.
Also, I got the BEST email from my extremely talented friend Andreas Palm who shot our wedding - he's got over 3700 pictures. I'll definitely share some with you!
- image here
A collection of thoughts, inspiration and lovely things that caught my eye.